How are Theo and Melody?

Rant of the Mommy Homework "Helper"

2012-01-24T08:01:00.001-05:00

In Confessions of a Mommy Homework "Helper", I wondered just how much homework help is appropriate. But that's just a part of the big problem, which is, how the heck is a parent supposed to find time to help with hours of homework a day?

I work full-time and am in school myself, my husband works around the clock, and my three-year-old is desperate for attention at all times, especially when Theo's getting all of mine during homework.

Not to mention the small details of getting Theo fed and cleaned after school. A bath is considered a triumph in this house. Keeping up with laundry and housecleaning are fantasies long since forgotten.

And because I'm a ridiculous mother who insists that Theo should have some fun in his life, he's in play rehearsals after school twice a week, which means by the time he gets home at 5, homework hasn't started yet. Theo must be in bed by 8 because he's on the school bus at 6:30 a.m., so that gives us three hours to make dinner, clean up dinner (ha! sometimes), do homework, and stumble through bedtime. And bedtime often isn't quality time with fun books and cuddles like it should be.

If we do get to read, it's usually one of the boring books he's assigned, since that's the only time we can squeeze them in. There are a few Roald Dahl books I'm dying to read to the kids that keep having to wait. And my toddler gets shortchanged, because I don't have time to read to her as much as I'd like.

I used to savor weekends for family time, but as the NYC Board of Ed views the weekend as two days that serve no purpose but 48 hours of available homework time, the assignments double and triple. (Notice I'm not blaming teachers.)

I thought homework was supposed to reinforce what was learned in school. So how did I end up giving my son a 3-hour lesson on Ben Franklin? And apparently not very successfully. If I -- a mom who works with words for a living -- can't get my kid to do a writing assignment, how are the non-English speaking parents doing it? Which is 90% of the parents in Theo's class.

Google tells me that plenty of other parents of third graders are fed up at the amount of homework their kids get and the help required from the parents.

I'm lucky to at least have a little guy who likes homework and who is always compliant. He even asks to do homework Saturday so he can play all day Sunday. I know many parents in my boat have kids fighting them every step of the way.

To all of you parents in homework hell, my heart goes out to you. And so does this rant.

Did you know it's possible to learn stuff outside of school and homework? Here's Theo with the Metrocard train he, er, engineered at the Transit Museum.

Confessions of a Mommy Homework "Helper"

2012-01-24T07:51:00.008-05:00

How did a grown-ass woman end up writing a third-grade biography on one of our founding fathers?

It was the third weekend in a row my 8-year-old had to write a biography for homework. And of course, in order to write one, he had to read one first. I pulled the Benjamin Franklin book out of Theo's bag and practically fainted when I saw its thickness. I glanced out the window at the first snow of winter, which had Theo in little-boy ecstasy as soon as he woke up. Sorry, snow, it's gonna be a while before he can play with you.

The book was on Theo's reading level, so I asked him to read it to me. It took 20 minutes to get through the first two chapters, and as I knew we'd never get to the writing portion at that rate, I read him the rest of the book. It took about an hour.

And so we sped through Ben's life. The printing press stuff, the invention stuff, the famous sayings stuff, the Declaration of Independence and Constitution stuff.

When we were finished reading the book, I asked Theo why Ben was important. "I don't know." I asked him what he invented. "A swimming machine." Yeah, buddy, when he was a kid. What did he invent as a grown-up? "A hot-air balloon." I sighed, partly with the understanding that of course those are the things that would interest a little boy, and mostly with frustration that he'd absorbed almost none of what we read in the last 90 minutes and we still had a whole biography to write.

It was very clear who would be writing the thing.

And so we sat at the table and worked on an outline of Franklin's life, and the topics we would cover in each paragraph. Or more accurately, I worked on it, but discussed what I was writing out loud so I could at least feel like we were doing it together.

Off we went, one painful teeth-pulling paragraph at at time. It would go something like this:

What do you think we should say for the introduction?
I don't know.
How about where and when he was born?
Yeah.
So where was he born?
Philadelphia.
No, that's where he lived later. Let's check the book. I open the book to the first page and he skims it, looking for the answer. Impatient, I just point at the answer.
Boston.
Yep. Write it down.

And in paragraph 6:

Why is July 4 important?
We go to Coney Island.
Yes, because it's a holiday. Why is it a holiday?
I don't know.
Because that's when the Declaration of Independence was signed. Do you know what that is?
No.
And so I explain and hope he'll kinda sorta put it in his own words when he repeats my explanation on paper.

The result was a nicely written biography that was no real indication of Theo's skill level. Had I done nothing, the bio would've read "Ben invented a swimming machine. The End."

I squeezed as much as possible out of Theo. Tried to make the homework as authentically from him as I could. But if I'm gonna be honest, I fed him a lot of the words--OK, sentences. And while I tried to check in with him on every piece and make sure he understood what he was writing, I'm sure if you asked him about the Declaration of Independence today, he'd still say he doesn't know.

I don't know what else to do.We highlight important facts as we read them. We discuss what we've read every page or two. But he is simply not good at processing large chunks of info at at time. If we could read one chapter a day and write one paragraph at a time, Theo might actually walk away knowing something about Benjamin Franklin. If Theo can't grasp an entire movie in one sitting, no way is he going to absorb an entire book.

I don't know where Theo's autism fits into this problem except that it accentuates it.

But I bet Theo isn't the only boy who can write 3 pages on Mario Party without help, yet struggles on a subject that isn't interesting to him.

Theo is a gifted creative thinker and writer. His imagination is one of his strongest suits. He'll wake up and decide he's going to write down his dream. He makes up wild stories for Melody every night at bedtime. He randomly sits down and writes plays, complete with roles for his friends and his sister.

It surprises me that reading and absorbing content for school is such a struggle for him. But that's the reality, and it's only going to get harder. I need to figure out how to get through this. I can't go on feeding him answers and pretending he's coming to the conclusions himself because I showed him where to find them in a book. It doesn't do him any favors and I certainly don't have the time.

As a mom of a kid on the autism spectrum, I want my son to be treated like other kids, I want him to advance in school on pace with his peers, and I want him to get assignments on grade level. So how can I then complain when he gets an assignment on grade level, and it's too hard for him? This is a parenting paradox that I deal with every day.

So tell me...how much homework help is appropriate?

P.S. Theo did make it to the snow. His insistence on a banana mouth turned out to be a great move.

Executive Chef at 3 and a Half

2012-01-12T08:26:00.000-05:00

I tried making post-surgery muffins for Lisandra this morning. Melody watched me struggle taking them out of the tin.

"Why are you spooning them out?"

"Because they're stuck to the pan."

"But mom, did you ever use food spray?"

Man, it amazes me how smart she is and just how much attention she pays to everything (except for TV, when I need her to).

Incidentally, I had used Pam, so I don't know what went wrong!

I'm not above using this tactic again

2011-12-03T07:57:00.000-05:00

Last night, the kids threw pennies all over the floor and were behaving otherwise atrociously. Joe, exasperated, threatened to throw away the Christmas tree if they didn't pick up the pennies.

Later, when the kids were in bed -- Theo was asleep and Melody called Joe in. He walked over to her and she said in a groggy voice,

"Daddy, when I fall asleep, please don't throw away the Christmas tree."

Because Uncle Elliot always buys them awesome PJs

2011-11-29T11:14:00.002-05:00

Melody tells Theo about the toys she wants for Christmas.

Theo: You can get other things besides toys, like pajamas.

Melody: I already have pajamas.

Theo (with great enthusiasm): Yeah, but you can get NEW pajamas!

Melody's Secret

2011-03-09T09:55:00.000-05:00

Upon seeing me in my new pink bra from Vicky's this morning, Melody yelled, "Mommy! I like your pink boobs!"

He Did It

2011-03-08T11:33:00.012-05:00

Here is a compilation of Theo's scenes from his performance in Annie Jr. with Unity Stage Theatre Company this past weekend.

You may recall my nerves when the rehearsal process began. Can he do this? The odds seemed stacked against him. Here was a little boy with autism in a giant space with 27 typical kids who were forming instant friendships and excited about their roles in the play. Theo was eating by himself and not quite getting what he was doing...there was a point when he thought he was playing Annie (because he really wanted to!).

In the beginning, he threw chairs, ripped other kids' homework, hit his castmates. He was so lost and confused that he acted out. If he didn't get a turn in a theatre game, he cried. I asked Sofia, the director, if I could start attending rehearsals with him, and she agreed.

His behavior was so awful at the first rehearsal I saw...I knew in my heart that we had to quit the play. And I cried for three days. But I couldn't bear to call Sofia and tell her. And in case you're wondering, I couldn't bear to blog about it here, either. I talked to Joe about it all week and consulted a couple of message boards, and at the last minute, we decided to give him another shot. Maybe the hour and 45 minute rehearsals were too much for him. What if we just stayed an hour?

So we went back. This time, we had a talk before rehearsal. We went through the list of rules. "Listen, no hitting, wait your turn in games," etc. I acted as a para for him. I did my best to remain in the background, but gave him a gentle push or redirect when he needed it. The next rehearsal, Theo turned a corner. We never did need to leave early. I think that talk we continued to have before rehearsals really helped. Theo does well when prepared for what's about to happen, and when he knows what's expected of him.

As he grew comfortable with the other kids, the adults, and the teenage assistants, his behavior not only improved, he was one of most cooperative kids there. He loved the theatre games so much that he sat focused and participated beautifully. He even became one of the boys. I remember the first time I watched the boys walk over to his table and sit with him. I think I had to cover my wet face with my hair.

When he finally got to rehearse his scenes on stage, he was over the moon. It was clear how much he enjoyed it -- not just peforming, but watching. While the other kids grew restless watching scenes they weren't in, he sat spellbound.

Theo now knows theatre lingo -- scene, rehearse, props, and director, just to name a few, are words he didn't know before.

To say we're proud of him doesn't seem to convey what Joe and I experienced. All the parents were proud of their kids. But when your kid overcomes as much as Theo did to stand on stage, say a few lines and do a few dances with a big smile -- no, pride doesn't even begin to cover it.

Sunday night, we laid in bed talking about Theo's face on stage when he said his lines, finally nailing them. He was beaming. We remembered the quintessential "Hi, mom" wave he gave when he spotted us in the audience. We talked about all the people who came -- so many friends, family members, and even two of his teachers. All the people who love him and are rooting for him. And we cried, because our son inspires us. We hope this story can inspire others.

Sweet Dreams

2011-03-05T07:57:00.002-05:00

She just opened her eyes, groggily sang "QRSTUV" and went back to sleep. God, I wish I had the dreams of a 2-year-old.

At a Local Stop and Shop...

2011-02-23T20:18:00.000-05:00

Melody said two things that blew my mind today. One was "thank you for dinner," unprompted. The other was "My feet are fucking freezing."

Bring On The Chiffon

2011-01-20T20:20:00.001-05:00

In response to the NYT article on the book "Cinderella Ate My Daughter":

I did a college paper comparing the early Disney princesses to the later ones. They made significant strides. Snow White and Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) were both pretty pathetic, so in comparison, Cinderella is pretty badass. The princes were just as vacuous as the princesses as far as I'm concerned. Really, none of the characters were very developed. The villains were evil for no reason beyond basic jealousy. That doesn't make me love those early movies any less--they were beautifully drawn, and the music--wow. I can watch the movies a million times, because they are classic and wonderful and frozen in time.

Fast forward to the Golden Age of Disney, 1989 to late 90s. The heroines were strong-willed, independently-thinking. Pocahontas kicks a whole lot of ass--what a gorgeous film that sadly no one talks about. Beauty and the Beast was nominated for Best Picture. Mulan, Jane in Tarzan, Nala, Jasmine. Not Disney, but princess Anastasia--these are all characters I'll be proud for my daughter to watch.

My wedding dress looked a little like Ariel's. And my daughter and Ariel's daughter share the same name--Melody. So yeah, I never grew out of the princess phase. I grew up with the movies, knew all the songs, memorized the dialogue. But I also killed bugs, climbed trees, played on basketball and soccer teams and wore only boys clothing for two years. The key is to make sure our kids are well-rounded. For the record, my son loves Sleeping Beauty and asked for a SB doll for Xmas. We got one for him.

My neverending quest to get skinny is not at all princess related. It's Hollywood related. :)

When it comes to female role models and body image, I think we have much bigger problems than princesses. Scantily clad pop stars and actresses, models, magazines...you know what I mean.

If anything, emulating princesses helps little girls feel beautiful in those early years. What's wrong with that? They'll have the rest of their lives to hate their nose, their zits, their muffin tops--why not let them enjoy these years of feeling pretty?

I say bring on the chiffon.

Meeting Santa

2010-12-21T11:27:00.003-05:00

Santa made an appearance at our dear friend Nannette's Christmas party this weekend!

I loved how my kids were front and center when Santa came out! Theo said to me, "how does Santa know our names?" And I loved Melody running to show Santa her gift after she opened it. "Look, Santa!"

His First Letter to Santa

2010-12-10T20:26:00.002-05:00

It's an image I'll always have burned in my memory. Theo in his sweatshirt and teddy bear pajama pants, sitting under the new Christmas tree he helped Joe bring home today...closing his eyes and imagining Christmas morning, so he can figure out what he wants to ask Santa for.

It's because we are in the middle of writing a letter to Santa. We're up to the part where Theo has to say what he wants. He knows the first thing right away--he wants a lower hook to hang his coat on, since all we have is the high hooks up in the closet that are out of his reach. So he asks Santa for a hanger. After that? What else do you want? "Mmmm..I'm not sure."

What kid doesn't have a list a mile long of things he wants? My kid. And so he sat and thought for a while, and each time finally came up with something to put on his list.

While of course I prodded Theo along and kept things going, I tried to keep the letter as organic as possible, based on what he was telling me. This letter is all him.

I loved him looking over the note and correcting handwriting errors, saying things like "Santa won't be able to read that."

I want to always remember this special experience. Thank you, blog.

A Colorful Response

2010-12-02T18:31:00.001-05:00

This happened months ago, but I just thought about it and it put a smile on my face.

We were out to dinner with Theo's friend Jasper, whose dad is an artist. Jasper told us that her daddy is a painter.

"My daddy is a painter, too," Theo said, proud and excited. I corrected him and told him no, his dad's a photographer.

"But he painted the wall in the kitchen purple! Remember, it was blue? You forgot?"

(I won't ruin the charm of this story by mentioning how we had to have a professional come in and fix the job.)

Ain't She Delicious...

2010-11-19T15:34:00.001-05:00

Yesterday morning Melody had some peanut butter on toast.

When we went outside, I realized she had PB all around her mouth. I giggled and said "Come here and let me clean you up, Peanut Butter Face." I proceeded to wipe her down with a universal solvent (saliva).

We walked down the block, and half a block later, she suddenly broke down, wailing. In her hysterics, she let out a series of unintelligble words.

I told her to calm down and tell me in a nice-girl voice what she was trying to say.

"I don't want to be a peanut butter face," she pouted.

I love that it took her half a block to ponder the label and form an opinion about it.

Glad Someone's Paying Attention...

2010-11-19T14:30:00.002-05:00

I was out grabbing pizza with the kids the other night and pulled a fourth chair to the table. Theo was puzzled and pointed out that there were only 3 of us. I was pretty dumbfounded.

Thanks, kid. Never too early to pick out nursing homes for mommy.

Me Too Too

2010-10-24T10:34:00.002-04:00

Melody's latest thing--If I respond to her comment with "me too," she says, "me too, too!"

Theo, What Are You?

2010-10-22T23:24:00.003-04:00

If there were a lovebug aptitude test, Theo would score off the charts. He has achieved genius level with his ability to say things so sweet it's impossible to think the words are from a 7-year-old boy. An impromptu improvised song about his love for his little sister and her hugs and kisses, for example. His ability to cuddle, protect, and all-around send your heart a pitter-patter are at a level so high, his peers may never catch up.

But my Theo isn't a savant. He doesn't calculate complex numbers in seconds. He still can't add 5+3 without a number line. He can't compose music. After 10 months of piano lessons, he still struggles to plunk out Twinkle Twinkle. And he doesn't have a photographic memory, though his memory does surpass most kids his age, probably.

People who don't know about autism (and I surely would have raised my hand 5 years ago, so no judgment here) think of Rainman. An autistic savant. Someone who is genius but "weird."

But the truth is, obviously, that autism is a huge spectrum. Theo would be called high functioning, but with a below-average IQ (though I've never believed any of the IQ tests. I'm not in denial, I just know he hasn't been tested properly because he doesn't respond well to that form of testing).

Temple Grandin, an Aspie (aspergers) woman who has basically revolutionized what we know about autism, says there are three types of thinkers:

VISUAL THINKERS

These children often love art and building blocks, such as Legos. They get easily immersed in projects. Math concepts such as adding and subtracting need to be taught starting with concrete objects the child can touch. Drawing and other art skills should be encouraged. If a child only draws one thing, such as airplanes, encourage him to draw other related objects, such as the airport runways, or the hangers, or cars going to the airport. Broadening emerging skills helps the child to be more flexible in his thinking patterns. Keep in mind that verbal responses can take longer to form, as each request has to be translated from words to pictures before it can be processed, and then the response needs to be translated from pictures into words before it is spoken.

MUSIC AND MATH THINKERS

Patterns instead of pictures dominate the thinking processes of these children. Both music and math is a world of patterns, and children who think this way can have strong associative abilities. They like finding relationships between numbers or musical notes; some children may have savant-type calculation skills or be able to play a piece of music after hearing it just once. Musical talent often emerges without formal instruction. Many of these children can teach themselves if keyboards and other instruments are available.

VERBAL LOGIC THINKERS

These children love lists and numbers. Often they will memorize bus timetables and events in history. Interest areas often include history, geography, weather and sports statistics. Parents and teachers can use these interests and talents as motivation for learning less-interesting parts of academics. Some verbal logic thinkers are whizzes at learning many different foreign languages.

Theo definitely doesn't fit into two and three, so the visual thinker category seems closest -- though not perfect. I wonder if he really does think in pictures. His language is developing rapidly now, and little by little I get a clumsy idea of how his brain works. I am hopeful that he'll eventually find the words to express the machinations in detail, as lots of spectrum teens and adults do to support children in discussion boards, blogs, etc. It's an exciting thought.

By the way, if you haven't seen the movie Temple Grandin, see it immediately.

I'm hearing her speak at a conference tomorrow. She's the keynote at an Autism/Aspergers conference. I don't even pay $100 bucks to see people I like in concert, but the chance to see her speak was too incredible to pass up. I think one day it will be like saying you saw MLK or the like. Particularly exciting is that her mom will be speaking too; she will talk about what it was like to have a daughter with autism in the 50's, when doctors told mothers that they ruined their children by not giving them enough love.

Temple will be speaking about her new book on social skills. Theo's lack finesse, but he sure has the heart. The other day he said, "You know what I'm imagining? I have lots of friends and I keep them forever."

There is still so much more to learn about the pictures in his head.

Annie, Week Three

2010-10-19T23:49:00.008-04:00

When I picked him up at rehearsal, he was calm. This gave me the courage to approach the director and ask how it went. I told her how he's loving the experience, and she said, "Oh yes, the kids are loving..."

I expected her to say "it, too."

Instead, she said, "working with him."

I nearly fell over after what happened last week.

Relief! Happiness! Joy!

Guess there will be good days and not-so-good days. I can live with that.

Why, Whatever Do You Mean, Son?

2010-10-13T07:42:00.001-04:00

So the other day Theo comes home to find Joe and me cleaning. He says "Ooh, are we having a party?"

Epic housewife fail.

Annie, Week Two

2010-10-12T18:52:00.002-04:00

Well, if I came off my last rehearsal pick-up on a high, today was the opposite. Last Tuesday when I peeked in, he was on his feet, part of an activity and fitting right in. Today, when I peered around the corner into the room, I saw all the kids in chairs learning a song, and Theo sitting there punching his head with his fist repeatedly.

This is a fairly new stim that has developed in the past few months, one that obviously Joe and I hate. I still don't know what triggers it--stress, nerves, anxiety, etc... Sometimes it looks like he's doing it out of sheer happiness. I guess I should be grateful that until now we've avoided the common autism stim of banging your head on the wall or floor, or other forms of self-injury. Theo's not injuring himself--not even close. He's just being silly.

I was happy, though, to see one of the teenage production assistants sitting next to him and working with him. Remember how I hoped someone would take a liking to him? I hope I'm not speaking too soon, but it seems like she has. It's her I spoke with after rehearsal and not the director. I'm too nervous to ask the director if he's being disruptive, because I'm afraid of getting an answer I don't want. And then I'm in the position where I have to decide if I do what's best for Theo (having him stick it out) or the rest of the kids (getting to enjoy their rehearsals without interruption).

The nice girl told me he was jittery and kept getting up, but that she sat with him and he sang. And that at snacktime he socialized with other kids. She seemed pretty positive about it.

So though I'm bummed, we all know there are good days and bad days with autism. Hopefully next week will go better. I realize he still has to get used to this. And he really, really loves it.

And I have to work on my own attitude. I keep hoping for things that will take time, if they happen at all. I shouldn't have expected him to tell me which girl is playing Annie so soon. I shouldn't have hoped for him to have an instant theatre buddy who would stick to his side during rehearsal. It's not fair to him for me to be anything but realistic, but it's also not fair to him if I underestimate him, so how do I know how to push him the right amount?

Our Day as Tourists in NYC

2010-10-11T17:47:00.002-04:00

Sometimes it's fun to be a tourist in your own city.

First stop, Times Square Toys R Us.

Cue the Rocky theme music!

I won't tell you where we ate lunch, because it's too embarrassing. Coughcougholivegardencoughcough.

Then, the main event...Yo Gabba Gabba live at Radio City! The kids are huge fans of the show, and while of course we balked at the ticket prices, it seemed like a chance we couldn't pass up. Thanks to this prized video, I have no regrets.

Do you dig my Batman-inspired effects?

I remember looking over at Melody on Joe's lap, her face mesmerized by the lights and the characters on stage. Theo was her age when he saw Sesame St. live, and he had the same look in his eyes. And there he was, tall as can be, wearing the goofy cardboard glasses and dancing to the songs with the rest of the toddlers and preschoolers. I adored them both. It was one of those "want to freeze time" mommy moments.

And seeing Melody dance and sing in the theatre--wow! I'd been complaining to anyone who will listen that I have a daughter who doesn't like music. I would sing, and she would yell at me to stop. Now, just in the last few weeks or so, she suddenly has started to repeat bits and pieces of songs--I finally get to hear her singing voice! It's sweeter than I could have hoped for. Worth the wait.

And boy, does she dance. Just look at this video! And one of her biggest requests lately is to watch Dancing With the Stars. She has no tolerance for the judging portions and has me fast forward to the next dance. So far she'll dance to anything but the jive, it seems....

Next stop for them--Broadway. Well, in a couple of years. When they're older, and the prices drop. Shut up, let me have my fantasies.

A Really Good Pick-up

2010-10-08T15:08:00.000-04:00

Sharon has the day off today, so this morning I told Theo I'd be picking him up from school.

When I arrived, his teacher told me he was excellent today. That he was happy all day because I was picking him up. That sure erased the last trace of curmudgeon in me for having to take the city bus to get him. My little guy still thinks his mom hangs the moon.

Oh, and on the bus when I told him we were going home, Theo asked, "How does the bus know where to go?"

My Son is in a Musical

2010-10-06T12:30:00.005-04:00

When I saw the flyer for Annie at the park, I froze. I was all at once thrilled and terrified. A theatre opportunity for Theo's age group, K-6, right here in Sunnyside? There was a part of me that was relieved when I looked at the flyer and saw we'd missed registration. I wouldn't have to bother asking myself if he could do this.

Then I got home and immediately regretted not taking down the info. So the next day I dragged my kids to the park in the rain and called the number on the flyer, leaving a voicemail. There was a website--I clicked thru on my Blackberry as the kids covered themselves in wet sand. I just couldn't wait. When I saw there was a fee to do the play, again the dual reactions came. It was both "GREAT! They'll take anyone if there's money involved" and "Ugh, so this is the state of kids' theatre education in Queens. They can't do it for free at school anymore, so we have to pay for it."

Theo's teacher knows I'm a drama nag. "Are you guys doing a play? Is there a drama after-school program? Is there a music class?" She was nice enough to put on an in-classroom play last year, and isn't sure if she can get permission to do it again this year, though she's going to try. PERMISSION! And Theo actually does have music this year, but the teacher is on maternity leave til January, so there are various subs til then.

I started to research theatre-related stuff for kids on the spectrum in NYC. Thought there would be a lot, but turns out, there isn't. At least not that I can find.

So when I thought about Annie, it just seemed like we had to go for it. I emailed Sofia, the director, and put "my son" in the subject line, knowing that these things can always use boys. Sneaky me.

Sure enough, she called and said she was so happy to see "son" in the subject line! There are about 25 kids in the show and only around 6 boys. She said I could bring him to her house to audition, and that most kids just sang Happy Birthday. I was in luck--the one song Theo really knows!

I spent the next few days teaching him the song "Tomorrow" just in case he could learn it before the audition, but as much as he liked the song, he couldn't memorize it. So Happy Birthday it was.

I was so jittery in Sofia's house. I had been working with Theo, and he promised me over and over again that he would sing using his nice voice. But then Sofia asked him to sing loud, like he was singing to the back of the room, and I knew he'd take that to mean, well, LOUD. He sang in his goofy voice and I asked him to sing nice, explaining to her that he has a goofy voice and a nice voice. She said "let's hear the goofy voice" and I immediately liked her and felt more comfortable. He sang "Happy Birthday dear Annie's mom." Despite all the prep, he still thought we were going to Annie's house. Luckily she got a kick out of it.

Then he sang Happy Birthday again, not as nice as he usually does but much nicer than the first time. She told me he has good pitch, and I was beaming! He actually really does have very good pitch, so I was thrilled that she noticed.

She asked if he could do a reading, and I said probably not, that he reads but is not quite on that level yet, and she said no problem, that they'd do a game instead. She got on the floor and told him to pretend she was a loud little kid and that he should tell her to be quiet. I was about to chime in that he should pretend she's Melody, but I managed to keep my mouth shut, since I was already coming off like an uber stage mom as it was.

He told her to be quiet. She asked why, and he said, "Because I said so." She asked him to say it in a mean voice, and he scrunched up his face and said in a meaner voice, "Be quiet." It was very cute. She asked Theo if he'd seen any plays, and he said "Beauty and the Beast." He meant the movie, but I kept my mouth shut, since the answer impressed her.

But then I knew it was in both of their best interest to get the truth out of the way up front. As I filled out the form, I casually mentioned that he has autism and that he is good at following choreography and direction. I couldn't believe how nervous I was. I couldn't focus on the registration form. As I filled it out, I actually couldn't remember my phone number. Sofia just said "okay" politely... I couldn't get a sense of her reaction. She could have been freaked out, or could have been happy to get the chance to work with a speical needs kid. If she felt either of these things, she sure kept a good poker face.

That night, I got an email with the cast list. There, toward the bottom:

Sound Effects Man: Theo Orecchio

What a thrill to see his name on a cast list! My son is in a musical. Must be what a football player feels like when his kid plays in his first game.

In the days leading up to Theo's first rehearsal, I showed him tons of clips from different versions of the show and movie on YouTube. He grew increasingly excited. "Will I be Annie today?" He thought he was Annie and that he was singing "Tomorrow." He didn't know any of the terms like character, director, rehearsal, etc...so we worked on that, too. As for "Tomorrow," I didn't bother correcting him since they do all sing that as the finale, which will satisfy him.

When we got to the first rehearsal yesterday, I hooked Theo up with a few kids I knew from the park (though he didn't recognize them). One boy his age is a kid Theo played with when they were both 1, at playgroup. His mom was kind enough to encourage Liam to make friends with Theo, even though I can tell from all the times at the park they've been together that he thinks Theo is weird.

I know that if the kids can grow to "get" Theo and be his friend, this can be a very positive experience for him and for them. But if they gang up to tease him when he doesn't quite follow as well, it'll break my heart. Actually, what I really hope is that the adults fall in love with him. If they do, the kids will have a better chance of following suit.

I was anxious the whole hour and 45 minutes yesterday during rehearsal. Heck, I had teared up just dropping him off. Just dropping him off! My level of emotion seemed ridiculous. When pick-up time came I peeked in and saw him pretending to be different statues along with the other kids. He was sort of in his own area, while the rest were clustered, but hey, he was doing it and looked like he was having a blast.

The director's assistant told me he was a good boy and they worked on character development that day. He and Liam did an improv game together.

When we left, Theo made my heart full: "I can't wait to be on stage in Annie every Tuesday until March." It was obvious he'd had a great time and was really excited. I asked him to tell me about the improv he did with Liam -- they pretended they were at the zoo. They saw monkeys and robots. Liam bought apples and Theo was the cashier. He showed me the sounds he made for the cash register.

So....so far, so good. I had only paid half the tuition ''just in case," but I think this will work out. Even if he's not the best, heck, there are kindergarteners in the show, so it's not like he'd be the only one off beat here and there. And I suspect he'll charm the audience as he did in his dance recital.

I know I've been throwing a lot of darts to see what sticks. There was ballet, tap, T-ball, and now piano and theatre. Some days are frustrating, but I can't quit on him. He deserves a mother who won't give up on him. The more he does now, the better shot he has at a high-functioning adult life. And I have a boy who surprises me on a regular basis with what he's capable of.

Did I mention my son is in a musical?!

Birthday Sympathy

2010-08-24T15:12:00.000-04:00

I'm in love with Theo right now...yesterday was Joe's birthday, but he was sick and in bed most of the day. Theo cried when he learned daddy was sick in his birthday. Not a tantrum...just quiet tears. The concept of being sick on one's birthday was just so sad to him.

Also, in the morning, Theo had made a list of things to do that day:
Cake
Fun
Play different kinds of games
Fun
Presents
Fun

He was determined to adhere to that list. So we lit the candles on a cake that poor Joe couldn't eat, invented games that took minimal effort for Mr. Sick, and since I didn't have the kind of presents you open (I made a camera out of meatloaf), Theo drew a watch, a shirt,and movies, and presented those.

Theo asked for paper to make a card, too--that was a first. Usually I have to ask him to make someone a card.

I adore how much both kids love birthdays, even when it's not theirs! Melody's rendition of Happy Birthday, the only song she will sing, had daddy temporarily healed.

Remember When We Worried He'd Never Do Pretend Play?

2010-07-20T17:22:00.000-04:00

Kids pretending to make pizza:

Theo rolls out his imaginary dough and says "I'm putting flour on the board so it won't stick.*" Then he gets his Spiderman winter glove and puts it on to take his pizza out of the oven.

"Melody, be careful, it's hot. You don't want to get burned!"

*Aunt Pia, I think you get credit for this bit!

Peanut Butter = Broken Heart

2010-07-14T18:32:00.000-04:00

I asked Melody what she had for lunch at Sharon's house today.

"Sandwich! Peanut butter!"

I smiled, but my heart was in pieces. She used to call it "nutty." I knew this day would come, but it doesn't make it any easier.

O-Tay!

2010-07-11T21:15:00.002-04:00

Melody says O-tay. Like, really, actually says it. All this time I thought Buckwheat made it up.

I'll try to get it on tape.

First Pun: A Big Deal in This Family

2010-07-10T21:22:00.001-04:00

"That's not YO-gurt. That's MY-gurt."

Theo comes from a long line of pun-sters, particularly on the Nicodemi side. For better or worse, he's taken his place as part of this family. I look forward to the many groans we'll share.

I Want

2010-07-09T13:42:00.011-04:00

Reconciling the tears of happiness and tears of grief caused by these two little words

When I met Joe, I told him we would raise our kids to be little Charlies. As in, the little boy from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl. Charlie's family was so poor that they saved up all year to buy him a chocolate bar for his birthday. Bursting with gratitude, he begged his parents to share it with him. Of course, they refused. Instead, he made the chocolate bar last for weeks by unwrapping it every night and allowing himself only the smallest taste. He never wanted anything, as long as he had the love of his family.

My plan to have a Charlie of my own went out the window when Theo was diagnosed with PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder) at 2. He didn't speak yet, so therapists came to my apartment 4 days a week to pry words out of him. The main focus was to get him to voice his needs with the words "I want."

After months of work, Theo eventually learned to say "I want ___" before his therapists would hand him the toy or puzzle piece he asked for. But outside of therapy, he never asked for anything. In school, he would sit there until someone offered him milk, even if the rest of the kids had already lined up for theirs. His cousins would beg for toys they saw in commercials or demand flashy cars in the toy store. Theo asked for nothing, content with whatever we gave him.

Forget about my notions of the selfless Charlie. I wanted Theo to want. If he'd asked me for every toy in the darn store, I'd have given them to him.

Now, at almost 7 years old, Theo has no problem voicing his desires. And his requests are usually so simple and sweet, I'm happy to honor them. A new kitchen stepstool for Christmas so he and Melody would no longer have to share one. A pack of Uno cards. A lollipop. If I do get the rare big request, like going ice skating, you can bet we're going ice skating.

And now I switch gears to discuss kid number two. I always dreamed of having a boy and a girl. When I learned I was having a girl, already having had my boy, I only had one more wish -- for her to be neurotypical (a crummy word, but that's what we say in the special needs world). I thought if I could have that, I wouldn't complain or ask for anything else. Wish granted. When Melody started talking, out poured our tears of joy and relief -- particularly when she began to say "I want."

And boy, does this terrible two-year-old want.

From the moment she rolls out of her bed (currently a mattress on the floor because she wants...to not be trapped in the crib) she climbs on top of me, grabs my face, and starts hurling demands. "Hey, mommy. I want milk. I want juice. I want water." (Yes, she really does want all three. At the same. time.) Sometimes, if I'm lucky, she'll throw in a "Good morning." Then it's all whining, all the time, for the rest of the day, 'til she loses the fight against sleep.

I spend my precious little time with my daughter either giving in to her demands (after squeezing out a "please") or ignoring her while I let the tantrum run its course.

And I think about Charlie. Where is my Charlie?

I want candy!
I want ice cream!
I want to go that way. No, thaaaaat waaaaaaaay!

I want. I want. I want. Melody's sense of entitlement grates on me. At the height of my grogginess, and therefore my flair for drama, it makes me fear for her future. What if she becomes one of those obnoxious spoiled brats who make my single friends not want kids? What if such a monster is spawned from me? Me, to whom good manners, gratitude and humility are so important!

Then I remember the promise I made. I'd never take it for granted if Theo would just talk to me, or if Melody could just be a regular kid. He does, and she is. She really, really is. And I pull them in close -- my special boy and my beautiful brat -- to make a demand of my own.

"I want a hug."

"Please."

Prince Theo and Princess Jasper Once Upon a Dream

2010-07-05T07:41:00.002-04:00

After they watched Sleeping Beauty, Jasper turned to Theo and said, "How 'bout we dance together?" He happily agreed.

You'll see at the beginning he is trying to get down and groovy but is quickly schooled on a proper waltz.

Ignore the mess, they'd been playing for hours. :)

P.S. Those kisses are all him; I didn't tell him to do that!

"I've Never Loved Her More" Moment

2010-07-05T07:37:00.000-04:00

Kids do cute things that tear at the heartstrings on a daily basis, but every so often there's that "I've never loved you more" moment. Melody gave me one of those yesterday.

We were out to breakfast as a family, a rare and special treat for us.

Suddenly, Melody covered her eyes with both her hands and sneezed. Eggs flew out of her mouth.

We burst out laughing. She covered. her eyes. to sneeze. Close, honey, close.

Melody is Two

2010-06-25T21:37:00.001-04:00

This morning Melody had a laughing fit--her face turned red, her eyes squinted, and she produced squeals that I hadn't heard since babyhood. How I adored her. A simple game of "I love you" followed by tickling brought her to a level of happiness that only children know. An hour later, she was sitting on my lap and suddenly said "I love you" and started tickling me with her stubby little fingers. Taken aback at her genius, I reproduced the roaring laughter and she seemed to understand. As our eyes met, we shared the moment.
I love having a two-year-old.

Celebrating Nonny's 90th Birthday With the Lovely Ladies

2010-06-08T07:31:00.002-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XloX1KF768

The Big Questions

2010-05-06T09:03:00.000-04:00

Theo asked two questions I wasn't prepared to deal with in one week:

1. After 2 years of bathing together, Theo finally asked "How come Melody doesn't have a pee-pee?"

2. Where's daddy's daddy?

Um....erm....

Dreamland Musings

2010-04-20T09:07:00.000-04:00

I'm so in love with my boy's mind, even his subconscious one.

Theo: "I had a funny dream. I was stuck on the roof."
Me: "Why were you stuck on the roof?
Theo: "I was trying to put the S in Sun."

Sorry and I'll Miss You

2010-04-03T08:24:00.001-04:00

This week, Melody turned up the sweetness. (Who'd have thought that was possible?)

We went to dinner with Grandma Popcorn and Melody was climbing on the booth. Grandma told her she was worried she might get hurt. Melody said "sorry!" for the first time. Grandma, Joe and I all looked at each other--did she really just say that??

When daddy left for work this morning, Melody waved "Bye daddy! I'll miss you!" Again, for the first time. You should have seen Joe's face.

Weaning Puts the Action in Distraction

2010-04-02T09:00:00.001-04:00

Operation: Wean
Day 4

The morning was a tad rough for my Smelly yesterday. She was cranky and wanted her de-crankifier. But she got over it soon enough.

Then Sharon had her all day while I worked. When she dropped the kids back home, lots of kids came over for a little April Fools party/contest (all the guests brought food that looked like something else). After everyone left, it was time for bath and bed.

So there was little time for her to remember she wanted to nurse. Today she'll be equally distracted.

It must be harder for stay-at-home moms to wean when their babies/toddlers are around them all day, smelling mommy.

Guess It's Laundry Day

2010-04-02T08:28:00.003-04:00

"Mommy, you have to put underwear in the drawer. I can't wear pants without underwear!"

Nursing Gives Way to New Forms of Affection

2010-04-01T07:46:00.001-04:00

Operation: Wean
Day 3

Every time Melody asked for "alk alk alk" I offered a hug and kiss instead. I also offered a drink or something to eat. She usually accepted one of those things.

So last night I was lying on the floor doing ab crunches with the FitTV channel, and Melody came over to lift my shirt so she could get a fix. I told her no, and what she said next surprised and delighted me: "Kiss?"

I crunched up and kissed her. Went back down. Crunched back up and kissed her again. Went back down. At this point she was laughing and understanding the game, so we kept at it--I got a workout and we both got kisses!

Since weaning I've been getting more hugs and cuddles in general. Before, any time she was close to me, she wanted to nurse. I'm looking forward to getting more of this type of affection. I looooooooooooooooove hugs from my girl!

The Reality is Sinking In: I Really Have Stopped Nursing

2010-03-31T05:26:00.000-04:00

Operation: Wean
Day 2

Yesterday was much easier than Monday. Despite all the ice cream justifications I spouted out, I didn't even need to bring in sweet reinforcements. She accepted cereal and pasta and other drinks when I refused to nurse.

She still hasn't understood the concept of "No more boobies." She just hears "No boobies now." So she's rejected over and over again. That's the hard part. But she is at least starting to accept it more quickly, with fewer cries if any.

So wow, I haven't nursed in more than 2 days!

I've noticed just how much I really used to breastfeed, because yesterday every time she woke up or came close to me my instinct was to pull my shirt up. I had to remind myself not to do it!

In case you're wondering how much physical pain I must be in, the answer is none. I tried to wean while on a business trip in September, so I've already gone through the pain of days' worth of engorgement. When I returned from my trip, I didn't have the heart to refuse her like I planned, so we rebuilt a small supply of milk. Not enough to cause me discomfort now.

When Attempting to Wean, Have Chocolate on Hand

2010-03-29T09:52:00.004-04:00

Operation: Wean
Day 1

Why am I finally weaning?

Melody is about to be 22 months
She claws at me constantly. I have scratches on my chest from her pulling down my shirt.
She does said clawing in public--on subways, buses, in restaurants
She is not in it for the milk. Long after she drains me she wants to suck for comfort, making me a human pacifier.
I'm going on 3 trips for work in the next 2 months. It will be hard enough on her and Joe as it is, so if I can remove the "mommy can give Melody something daddy can't" factor I hope it will be easier on both of them in the long run.

Theo stopped nursing on his own at 9 months, so I've never weaned before. I did, however, have to wean him off the bottle at 2 years and 3 months. He was very addicted. I told Joe we were going to throw away all his bottles and stop cold turkey. It would be a hard few days but we'd just have to deal with it and then it will be over. Joe had his doubts but went along with it.

Turned out to be not so bad. Our secret weapon was ice cream. To ease his howling for the bottle, we gave him his favorite dessert. After a couple of days, he forgot all about the bottle. (Happily, Melody never really took to a bottle so it's one less thing to wean her off of. And we didn't use a pacifier with either kid.)

My strategy is the same now. Have treats at the ready when the screams come.

I'm not so much weaning as stopping cold turkey. Gradually and increasingly cutting down on feedings is the most common method of weaning. Turns out that trying to cut down on feedings wasn't in either of my kids' DNA. This method of replacing boob with ice cream would undoubtedly be unpopular with many mothers, but I remain unapologetic. If I can soften the blow of this cruelty, great!

I knew the mornings would be the hardest. When she wakes up, the first thing we do every day is lay on my bed and nurse. And nurse and nurse. This morning, at 6:30 AM, I stuck her in the high chair with ice cream and Nick Jr. on TV.

When she was finished, she lay on the couch with me tugging my shirt. I was prepared--I'm wearing a turtleneck, which I plan to wear for as long as I need to during this process. Melody begged for milk.

"Alk! Alk! Aaaaalk!"

At this point I took my mother's advice and had a conversation with her, as mom had done with Elliot. "No more boobies. You're a big girl now. Let's hug. Can we hug?" WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I offered her a cup of warm milk and she refused. But all her wailing made her thirsty, so she eventually grabbed the cup and drank. After a few sips she tossed the cup in protest.

Later in the morning she wanted to nurse, so I made her hot chocolate. That kept her happy for a bit.

Now, as I type, she's happily munching on strawberries and ham and eggs (made with the delicious ham Grandma Popcorn made for Palm Sunday! She sent us home with leftovers). So it hasn't been so bad. She cries, yes, but then she gets over it. I wasn't sure if she'd spend all morning whimpering, or worse, screaming. But she's fine.

How long will this take, I wonder? When will she really, truly stop asking for the breast? And when will she forget about it entirely?

In case you think I have a blase attitude about weaning, guess again. This is as hard on me as it is for my little girl. I shudder when I think:

I will never nurse again.

I put both my children to my breast the instant they were born. It has been a beautiful, special part of my bond with them.

It's Melody's greatest comfort when she gets a bruise or is sleepy. It's the one thing I can do for her that no one else can. It's ours, and no one could take it from us. Except me. It's a bittersweet ending.

I do worry that I'm choosing the time I'm ready to stop instead of when she's ready. My best comfort is knowing she won't really ever be. Addicted as she is, she'd have just as much trouble with this a year from now.

Joe has been very supportive--he has always said I should stop when I am ready. I know other dads pressure their wives to stop once the baby is "too old," so they can get what's rightfully theirs returned to them.

Boobs, when this is all over, you won't look as you once did. But I'll try to love you anyway. You may be closer to the ground, but you brought my children closer to my heart. You nourished my babies; you did what nature meant for you to do. How can I be mad at you for that?

Bronx Zoo

2010-03-24T07:45:00.001-04:00

Our trip to the zoo this weekend was in a word--perfect.

When Theo was Melody's age we'd take him to the zoo, hoping that this time he would notice the animals. But he rarely did. It was like they didn't even exist. We always left a little sad.

But in the past year, Theo started loving the zoo! He especially likes the polar bears and penguins. It was a thrill to watch him walk around on Saturday with his hat and his map--he looked like a little safari man.

Melody was enthralled by the giraffes. She giggled at the monkeys. But most of all, she loved the simple ducks that you'd see at a pond. She gazed at them for a long time.

As you can imagine, they charmed the heck out of the 7 train passengers on the way home. They really, really adore each other.

Click here to see the rest of the zoo album.

A Note to My Daughter

2010-03-23T14:42:00.000-04:00

Dear Melody,

I know one day you will no longer call broccoli "gocky" and grapes "apes." When that day comes, I will be sad.

Love,
Mom

Where's the Shooting Thing?

2010-03-16T17:03:00.003-04:00

Another proud parenting moment--Theo asked me where the shooting thing is. He was talking about the nerf gun he got for Xmas, which I hid and he recently found. I love that he doesn't even know the word gun!

More recent cute-isms that I posted to Facebook but should really mention here:

Theo wants Aunt Gloria Nicodemi to come over so he can make her avatar on the Wii. (A mii.) He wanted to know if he could put a baby inside.

Melody just handed me my pants from the laundry and said "get dressed."

Balancing Hard Work and Expectations

2010-03-16T16:29:00.002-04:00

Joe and I walked away from our meeting with Ms. Fredericks today feeling great! She was all smiles talking about Theo, telling us we should be very proud. And we got the impression that she really likes Theo. I know it's hard to imagine anyone not liking him, but that's the sweet Theo you know. In school last year he had bad behavior issues and I could tell his teacher just plain didn't like him and didn't want him there. It's very hard for a parent to see someone feel that way about their baby.

The Report
Now, I was that kid who was unhappy with a 99 on a test. I held myself to ridiculous standards. I'm not sure why, because my parents sure didn't. They always had to tell me to ease up on myself, force me to stay home when I was sick because I wanted to go to school (not becuase I liked it, but so I wouldn't miss something important) and sleep more and study less. It was definitely somewhat of a role reversal. I think I owe my attitude to the need to compete with my two best friends who are geniuses and scored 100s in their sleep.

All the stress I gave myself in school was unnecessary and not something I want for my children. But how can a perfectionist hold her children to lower standards than she held herself?

Maybe autism was the kick in the teeth I needed.

First graders are given standardized tests in NYC now. Makes you wanna cry, no? We received those results today. Theo was on grade level with math, and on the cusp of grade level with reading. My heart sank when I saw his below-average reading scores, but only briefly. I reminded myself this wasn't a standardized test for special needs kids--it was for all first graders. It wouldn't be fair to hold him to the same standards as everyone else.

Nor would it be fair to teach Theo that it's OK for him to expect less of himself and use autism as a crutch. We are still learning the careful balance needed between making him work hard but forgiving himself for taking longer to catch on.

But it's his mom who struggles, to tell the truth. I get frustrated during homework. I start yelling at him. Yesterday I made him cry because he wasn't telling me the right answer in math. I know that makes me sound like a monster, but he wasn't trying. He was just naming random numbers as answers. I usually know the difference between him being uncooperative and legitimately struggling. Still, when I saw the tears I hugged him and told him this work was hard and he was doing a great job and would get it soon. I reminded myself that I had to get my act together as much as he does.

Luckily his wonderful sitter Sharon and his best friend Reina (she's 8) are the ones who help him with homework on most days, and he is much more cooperative with them.

Back to the parent-teacher conference. Ms. Fredericks has been giving him lots of prizes lately for good behavior. While he has trouble transitioning between activities, he's socializng much better with the other kids. He works beautifully with Ashley, who is calm. She keeps him with the calm kids because they bring out the best in him.

She was very impressed with his growing vocabulary, as are we. She showed us the "on demand" story the kids had to write where the kid writes a 3-page story with 3 illustrations with zero help from the teachers. His story was great! Really nicely written, most words spelled correctly--and adorable drawings of him sledding.

The principal randomly walked in the room during the meeting and gave us a big smile and thumbs up to indicate how well Theo was doing. I smiled through my teeth and repressed the urge to say "aren't you glad we didn't take him out of this school last year like you clearly hoped we would?"

Ms. Fredericks also remarked on the great change in Theo ever since we took him off the gluten-free casein-free diet. He was just so happy to eat what the rest of the kids were eating! Remember my post about the important social component often ignored when this diet is discussed? She used to buy him gluten-free cookies (which I didn't even know--so sweet!) to help make him feel like he fit in, but he always knew they weren't the same as the other kids' snacks. She says he's an overall happier kid in school now.

Heehee-- I told Theo I was proud of him because his teacher said he was doing well in math, reading, and writing. He asked, "What about lunch and snack?" as if those were subjects too!

Three Generations of a Rocking Chair and Dolls

2010-03-15T15:45:00.001-04:00

I always loved the little rocking chair in Aunt Don's apartment. During our last visit, it occurred to me to bring it out for Melody, along with three dolls that belonged to my cousin Jo when she was a little girl.

Melody didn't exactle handle the dolls with care, but she sure did look cute on the chair!

Now Jo, Melody and I have all sat on that little rocking chair that Aunt Don says Uncle Charlie brought home for Jo.

Update: Jo read this and said
"Hi darlin....this is great. It was very emotional for me to see Melody in that chair. It was around 1952 that my Dad brought it home so that I could sit in front of our first TV and watch Howdy Doody!! I still love it."

As If I Didn't Know!

2010-02-26T09:52:00.000-05:00

I couldn't find the doll Theo was looking for, so he showed me a picture he drew of her and said very seriously, "This is what she looks like."

My Valentine's Day Smile

2010-02-16T16:05:00.003-05:00

Last July, we decided that in order to get some sleep around here, we were going to let Melody start crying herself to sleep. CIO (crying it out, a common method used by parents) usually just lasts for a month, and the baby usually adjusts.

But months later, Melody was still crying herself to sleep. She wasn't scared--she was just crying out of protest, every single night. But that 5-10 minutes of crying in exchange for a full night's sleep were worth it to us. She learned to sleep through the night, which was better for the whole family.

Still, I was sad to be deprived of one of the sweetest joys of bedtime--tucking in your child, kissing her good night, and singing her a lullaby. Whenever I tried to sing to her, she screamed, knowing that meant the next step was my leaving the room.

About a month ago, kind of by accident, we started putting the kids to bed in their room at the same time. Prior to that, we would put Melody down first and put Theo on our bed or the couch, and transfer the sleeping boy to his bed once Melody was finally asleep. But one day she lay on his bed and put the blanket over herself. Once we put her in her crib, she started to yell at us. But the lightbulb went off...hmm, if she sees Theo get tucked in, maybe she'll go to sleep more readily.

That didn't happen at first. She continued to cry when put in her crib. We felt guilty making him lie in bed listening to her cry, but within ten minutes they were both asleep and so we stuck to the plan. Once we bought him a nightlight, he no longer complained. He said he wasn't scared anymore.

Then, a miracle happened a couple of weeks ago. After watching me tuck Theo into bed, Melody lay down in her crib, put her head on her pillow, and pulled her blanket over her. WOW! It seemed too good to be true.

For the past week, she has been going to sleep with no tears every night. Not only that, but she's been going to bed smiling. She even says "Good night, EO. Good night, mommy. Good night, daddy," as we leave the room.

On Valentine's Day I put her in her crib and I sang her a lullaby. She shot me with a grin so big I'm surprised it didn't burn right through me. Thanks for the VDay gift, my little love.

Starring Theo as Baby Bear

2010-02-06T12:19:00.003-05:00

Since the minute Theo flew out of the womb (practically literally), I dreamt about seeing him in his theatrical debut. What's cuter than a kid in a bad schoool play? And it didn't get any badder than this.

This one kid broke down into tears, hysterical tears, because his mom wasn't there. Everyone agreed to wait for her to start the play, but by 9:30 (a half-hour after showtime) she still hadn't come so they started. The poor kid was so sad he wouldn't say his lines. The play ended with her entering the room and him running to her shouting MOMMY!

The teacher asked if we'd mind watching the play a second time--and that's what they did! You should have seen the kid's face when read his lines that time. He was beaming. I was so happy! Actually, you can see. Look at 4:09 on the video, there he is.

As for Theo, he was the most excited kid there. He couldn't stop smiling before it started! (photo:right) He said his lines with a high pitched voice the first time and it was hard to hear him (Joe thinks he was trying to be Baby Bear...so does Grandma...I'm not sure. I'll ask the teacher). UPDATE: Theo WAS told to use the high voice! Which officially makes him the best actor in the class!

If you would like to see the first version, I posted it here.

Theo waits "offstage" to re-enter. Could he be any more excited?

This photo is my favorite. He's accusing Goldilocks "Someone's been sleeping on my bed, and there she is!"

Pretty funny that Baby Bear was taller than Papa and Mama

Lucky.

2010-02-04T11:55:00.003-05:00

Melody takes me aback every day with new words that come out of her perfect pink mouth. She repeats everything. Like a little sponge, she takes it all in.

Our favorite thing right now is "Yeaaah."
Are you hungry? "Unree. Yeaaah."
Want to go play with Theo? "Eo. Yeaaaah."

Though we also adore her raspy little "No."
Can I have a hug? "No ug" she says, with a fierce head-shaking.
A lady in the pizzeria says hi. Say hi to the lady, Melody! "No hi."

But don't be mistaken--this toddler doesn't lack affection! In fact, she's currently the Queen of kisses. Her newest thing is grabbing my face before planting one on, which kills me. When she gets into kissing mode, she insists on taking turns kissing all of us, over and over. She also offers big hugs, which get me emotional every time.

I know all moms love getting hugs and kisses from their toddlers. But they can't possibly know how lucky they are if they haven't experienced a toddler who can't kiss and hug. I know it's taboo to compare kids, but this blog is about full frontal honesty--and Theo did not kiss and hug at 2. It's OK for me to talk about this. We all know what a mushball he is now. But at the time, I didn't know if he'd ever kiss or hug or say I love you. I was still waiting to hear "Mommy."

Which is why I get that little extra heartstring tug when I open the door and hear Melody shout "Mommyyyyyy!" All moms feel lucky, but I get that extra pang with each kiss.

But hey, guess who's teaching her to be such a good linguist and skilled affectionado--her big brother. Which makes me really, really lucky.

Proud Mama Bear

2010-02-03T14:12:00.003-05:00

This stage mom considers Theo the male lead in his class' reading of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. He's Baby Bear. So while Papa and Mama just say someone's been eating my porridge, sitting in my chair, and sleeping in my bed, Theo gets those lines PLUS the qualifiers--And ate it all up! And broke it! And there she is! So that makes him the lead, right? Right?

Can't wait to see him in his first role on Friday. He has his lines memorized, as well as all the lines of his classmates. But he may be very shy and quiet when the time comes. Either way, we couldn't be more excited if he was about to open Hamlet in London!

Confirmed: The Tooth Fairy Came

2010-02-03T14:04:00.002-05:00

Mean mom woke up her sleeping boy hoping to capture a rare moment on tape--the discovery of what's under the pillow.

What's cuter than a groggy kid?

I think Theo didn't open the envelope right away because he already knew what was in there, since it's always the same thing. Just knowing the envelope was there was enough for him. I adore the double take he did when he remembered it was morning and realized what that meant, and made a dive under the pillow.

When Cute and Cute Collide

2010-01-30T18:22:00.000-05:00

Waiting For the Toof Fairy

2010-01-26T09:28:00.003-05:00

When Melody and I got home from a playdate last night, Theo greeted us at the door with a dangling tooth. He told me about several failed attempts to pull it out--Joe tried ye olde string method, but the tooth wasn't ready. The poor guy was so disappointed! He was uncomfortable, sure, but more than anything he wanted his visit from the Tooth Fairy.

He got out paper and a pencil, sat down and began writing. I was half paying attention, helping him spell the words he didn't know while doing other things. It wasn't until he finished his first drawing that I realized the brilliance he had produced.

I ran to Joe to show him the picture and we cracked up! I think it's the best picture he's drawn yet. Hilarious! And how much do I love him for spelling words as he hears them...I didn't have the heart to correct "toof."

But wait, he wasn't done. He sat back down and created his next masterpiece, him lying in bed, complete with the lollipop under the pillow. He told me "the magic turns the tooth into a lollipop." I was impressed that he drew the Tooth Fairy horizontally to indicate that she was flying. That may not seem like a big deal, but for him it was. He almost always draws all his people the same way.

Starring: Theo in Another Blog!

2010-01-21T08:44:00.002-05:00

Logan's mom Jenn used a great photo of Theo getting a skating lesson in her blog entry about Logan's birthday party. This is a great blog about parenting and special needs, you might wanna check it out:

http://canmombecalm.blogspot.com/2010/01/skating-parties-perfect-for-special.html

Ice, Ice, My Baby

2010-01-15T18:51:00.004-05:00

When Theo's friend Logan invited him to his birthday party, I tried to think of other birthday parties Theo had been invited to. I could probably count them on one hand. Theo went from 0 to 2 friends last year. Both of the friends he found, Logan and Reina (who will get a blog post of her own) seemed to need him, too. No kid ever needed Theo before. So here he was, invited to a party--not because a kid was inviting everyone in his class or a cousin was obligated to include him--Logan genuinely liked Theo and wanted him at his party! And the best part--it was an ice skating party.

Do you recall our first and only attempt at ice skating last year? We had incredible fun, but Theo was unable to hold his own on the ice. I was curious to see how he'd do--a year later, his vocabulary and verbal comprehension were stronger--skills that seemed like they would matter to skating. One thing NOT better was Theo's balance. And so we would see. But I knew either way, we'd have a great time.

When we walked in, Logan's enthusiastic "Hi, Theo!" was music to my ears. His mom, Jenn, was good enough to pay for the kids to all have a 30 min coaching session. The kids learned how to fall properly, and then they hit the ice. I liked this rink because it provided helmets, something that Theo really needed! I'm pretty sure he took a couple of headers.

I automatically went into apologetic mode with the coaches when Theo did not get it right away. In fact, he was downright uncooperative at first and wouldn't stop giggling as he fell over and over. But pretty soon he was moving little distances on his own and two of the coaches were actually impressed! Coaches who teach beginners every day, impressed with Theo's progress on the ice? I felt great, and Theo felt great.

As the day went on, his confidence grew. A couple of times he went from one wall to the other entirely on his own! As many times as he fell, he never stopped smiling. I think both of us could have skated all day! Unfortunately, the rink closed early for hockey.

He never really skated skated--more like skillfully walked across the ice. But that's what kids are taught to do at first--hold their knees and march. We're going back this weekend and I plan to keep taking him, because I had as much fun as he did! I love skating! (But oops, one of the coaches corrected ME, telling me to bend my knees.) I really think he'll get it if we keep at it, and this will be wonderful therapy for his balance issues.

As far as the party went, thankfully gluten wasn't an issue. Theo gleefully chowed down on pizza and birthday cake, and loved singing to Logan. He didn't socialize with the other kids much, but he was clearly happy to be part of the festivities.

Email From Teach

2010-01-15T09:27:00.001-05:00

This put a smile on my face this morning. I know it will do the same for you!

Mrs. Orecchio,

Happy New Year to you as well. Theo is doing great. He has been spending less and less time on the computer*. He is starting to be able to control himself a little better. In math, he only has to be shown how to do the problem once and he is able to complete the rest on his own. I am glad that he is happy about coming to school.

Thank you,
Ms. Fredericks

*They use the computer to calm Theo down when he gets nutty

Top 11 Reasons All Cats Have Autism

2010-01-07T13:50:00.005-05:00

They throw a fit if there's a change in their routine. You don't want to be around a cat who's mad that dinner is late.
They can spend hours fixated on a light bulb, staring out the window, or playing with a ball.
Social anxiety
Fear of loud noises
They prefer flipping the pages of books to actually reading them
They exist in their own world (if you're lucky, you are a guest)
They act out when overstimulated
They don't mean to misbehave
Some are the height of innocence and accept affection from any stranger, while others refuse to be touched
Once you win them over, you will never know a more rewarding relationship
Their vision of the world is much more beautiful and brilliant. They know a purity in life that the rest of us can't begin to understand...but because we love them, we'll continue to try.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T14:10:00.000-05:00

Theo Says Otherwise!

2009-12-31T12:13:00.003-05:00

Like, I mean, he uses the word "otherwise." He's doing so well! His vocabulary is growing, he's putting together better sentences, and he's telling stories.

Theo is hilarious watching me play Mario on the Wii. He'll say "get the star so nobody can hurt you!" and he calls the flying turtles butterfly turtles.

This was just a quick note...back to work...Happy New Year!

Mamacitas Holiday Party

2009-12-21T21:37:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, my friend and fellow Sunnymom Sari had a holiday party. My mom group, the one in my neighborhood that's been meeting since we had infants, all came. It's very rare that we all get together these days, especially with our husbands there too, so it was real treat. It was pretty emotional for us moms to watch all our toddlers running around, squabbling, grabbing toys, kissing and hugging...the girls had enough hair for pigtails. Last year they didn't walk and most had no hair. Next year, they'll be having real conversations.

I'm very, very lucky to have found this group of people. I not only get to watch Melody grow, but I get to watch a whole community of kids grow, kids who will be Melody's friends.

Click here to see photo album from party!

Oh...and though there were no kids Theo's age, he was such a good boy! Probably because he's still perfectly content to play with baby toys. :)

Melody's First Snow!

2009-12-21T21:35:00.002-05:00

Gluten's Back, and So Is Mama's Sanity

2009-12-15T18:28:00.003-05:00

There's a very good reason I haven't described the visit to the DAN! doctor. We didn't go. The follow-up visit, which is just a talk with the doctor WITHOUT the child present, would have been $750. So that's $1,750 plus the cost of additional allergy testing, prescriptions, etc. We called off the visit so that I could look into getting some help from my job next year, if this kind of medical visit qualifies for the Flexible Spending Account. Autism treatments nearly never get financial support from companies because it's all considered experimental.

We decided the day before Thanksgiving that we were going to take Theo off the gluten-free/ casein-free/ soy-free/corn-free/limited-sugar/no-preservatives/no-artificial-colors diet. That was fun to type!

What followed was--and I suppose this is a dramatization, but not by much--getting our lives back. We spent two nights in New Jersey with Joe's family. Not only would I have had to prepare Theo a special meal, but all the foods his cousins, 3 boys, ate would have been off limits. When Theo is there it is common for the boys to all munch on a bag of cereal, pretzels, and other snacks. Trying to keep Theo from those food would have majorly stressed me out and made him feel left out. I know, because that's what our previous visit was like.

How wonderful it was for Theo to sit and eat the same turkey, the same creamy mashed potatoes, the same apple pie as everyone else!

And guess what--on Monday, Ms. Fredericks said Theo was particularly well-behaved that day. This was before she knew we took him off the diet. The rest of the week he continued to behave nicely. Today, he came home very excited that he won a prize for good behavior! This could all be a coincidence, but at the very least, the opposite was supposed to happen when we put gluten and dairy back into his body, so...

Recently, I had a mini revelation when telling Aunt Pia about all this. One of the major characteristics of autism is the lack of social skills. And what was I doing by making him eat different food at a birthday party? At school, on pizza Fridays? I was exacerbating his already-poor social abilities. Seems counter-productive to me.

Please don't think I'm bashing the diet. I think it's wonderful--a miracle, in fact--that so many children have recovered from autism because of it. It didn't happen for my kid, but now I can feel good knowing we tried it for five months. And unless it had been a miracle cure, it would not have been worth it to further hinder Theo's chances at normalcy in social settings. And let's face it, his mama's a foodie. My favorite sous-chef can now learn the art and importance of butter and flour to real cooking. :)

The best part is, my guilt is mostly gone and I'm at peace with this decision. That's something I didn't think would happen. There are still natural vitamins and supplements to explore. We'll see what the new year brings us. For now, time to take a break from all this Mama Warrior stuff and relax and enjoy my sweet boy. Right now he's inside eating the empanadas he helped make--think I'll go join him.

Child Magic Enough For the Two of Them

2009-12-15T18:13:00.002-05:00

Baby hates Santa, but as you can see, Theo brings enough child magic for the two of them. This is the first year he's really excited about who Santa is and what he does, and he was just enthralled when standing in front of the big guy. This was a good Santa--he talked to Theo about leaving carrots for Rudolph. The look on Theo's face was...to put it eloquently...whoaaaaa.

All He Wants For Christmas Is His One Front Tooth!

2009-12-13T18:55:00.001-05:00

Wahoo! After weeks of pulling and prodding, the tooth finally came out when Theo ate a hard-boiled egg. He talked about the Tooth Fairy all day!

The next morning, the first thing he did was reach under his pillow to retrieve his lollipop. I let him eat it for breakfast, and the result was a very devastated, very angry, FURIOUS toddler. Theo tried to calmly explain to his sister that the Tooth Fairy brought HIM the lollipop, but she wasn't having it. Finally we convinced her to have some Cheerios instead.

18 Months--A Meaningful Milestone

2009-12-10T20:39:00.003-05:00

Last night, Melody started to cry at 4AM. Since she usually sleeps through the night, I should have wanted to cry with her. But this one night, it was different. It was her big 18-month birthday. And so the tears did come, but they were tears of reflection and happiness. As I lay in bed nursing my toddler, I thought of Theo's 18-month birthday.

"At 18 months, your toddler should say 50 words," we read. Uh-oh. He didn't say any. That was the beginning of a rough journey...but fast forward to today. Melody knows 50 words, easy. But why? Because Theo has made it his mission to teach her to talk. Who'd have ever thought Theo would be someone's speech coach?

So, with these thoughts in my weary head at 4AM, a smile on my face was frozen in time.

I can't believe my gorgeous girl is a year and a half. The first word she says when she wakes up is E-O (Theo). When she wants to go out, she brings me my shoes and tries to shove them on my feet while she says "Deedeedoh (here you go)."

Melody, every day with you is an adventure. Baby girl I always dreamed of, I love you.

It took me a while to get my Christmas spirit this year, but lookin' at this, you'll see how it came to me in a big way.

Melody's First Ponytail

2009-11-23T10:34:00.001-05:00

She's also wearing her Geneseo University dress. :)

Back on Dairy, So We Don't Get Scolded

2009-11-14T09:42:00.004-05:00

We've finally decided to go to a DAN! (Defeat Autism Now!) doctor. Here's an article explaining what a DAN! doctor is;
http://autism.about.com/od/alternativetreatmens/f/dandoc.htm

These are the things we can expect to discuss in our 2-hour appointment:
-Nutritional supplements, including certain vitamins, minerals, amino acids, and essential fatty acids
-Special diets totally free of gluten (from wheat, barley, rye, and possibly oats) and free of dairy (milk, ice cream, yogurt, etc.)
-Testing for hidden food allergies, and avoidance of allergenic foods
-Treatment of intestinal bacterial/yeast overgrowth (with pro-biotics, supplements and other non-pharmaceutical medications)
-Detoxification of heavy metals through chelation (a potentially hazardous medical procedure)

What took us so long? The appointment costs 1,000 dollars. And that doesn't include the lab testing and the supplements we'll have to buy. Mom is helping us out (mom, you're an angel) and has asked only that we adhere to what the doc says--a fair request. We don't want to make the trip and spend the dough for nothing.

Our appointment is next Monday, the 30th. I'll keep you posted.
Here are two videos featuring Dr. Elice, the doctor we're going to. He is recommended by the Autism Research Institute and was personally recommended to me by my rescue angel, Judith. Rescue Angels are parents who have been through the drill and volunteer to counsel other parents. You find them through the Generation Rescue website.

Video 1: This resonated with me because we only heard PDD from doctors until Theo was 4.5. If they had just said "autism" in the first place I may have gotten additional services and started the diet sooner. I definitely would have gone to a DAN! doctor sooner--I hadn't even heard of one until this year.

Video 2: http://www.autism.com/danwebcast/video-list.asp?showsession=Science&conference=SanDiego
Scroll down, it's the last one on the page.

As for dairy, we want to go into this appointment telling the Dr. we've been on the diet, so even though we haven't seen a change in Theo after giving him milk, butter and cheese, we'll stick to the DAN! protocol for now--since we're paying so damn much for it!

Bye Bye Ballet...But Run, Theo and Daddy, Run!

2009-11-11T14:01:00.003-05:00

Sadly, "Theo Theo ballerino" is not in his future after all. We stuck it out as long as we could, but it was time to face reality that he was too silly and disruptive in class and it wasn't fair to the other girls. After observing the last class, I realized how out of his mind he really does get during ballet. At one point he randomly started shouting out the alphabet. It was very stimmy, and it's not good for him to do activities where that gets brought out in him. I cried at first, but I've come to peace with the decision. Sure, he loved it, but he loves everything. We'll find another way to channel his energy. And I'm determined to get him piano lessons to fulfill his need for creativity. And I really should do more art with him (eek, I stink with that!).

But, now, gloom aside...the story ends well. I asked Joe to take Theo running with him, and he was immediately excited. They went for their first run this morning. We told Theo they were going to go running and he kept asking "What's running?" to which we replied, "just running!" He wasn't getting that you can just go out and run, and that would have a name! It was pretty amusing.

He insisted on wearing his Batman hat. He asked Joe where it was, and Joe told him Batman took it. Theo said, "Daddy, Batman isn't in my house."

Off they ran in their sweats, a daddy and his boy. When Theo walked through the door upon his return, I was floored to see the look on his face. It was joy, it was disbelief, it was utter happiness encompassed in one big-ass grin. I said big-ass because my language was getting too flowery.

Joe said, "He loved it. When we were running, he told me 'this is so cool.' Babe, this is something I can do with him for life."

Urm, that's not a tear, it's dust....

Academically Pleasing

2009-11-11T13:48:00.004-05:00

Theo has continued to get 100 on every single spelling test, and a 90 on his second math test! He's incredibly enthusiastic about reading, wanting to read wherever we go--signs on the street, labels in stores--everything! He's looking for words within words, identifying sounds...he's doing a lovely job. His writing has come a long way, too.

I thought he had a breakthrough this weekend when we were writing a story for school. His first two pages were about "Where the Wild Things Are" and on the third page, I asked him "Then what happened?" He smiled, "I don't know, let's see what the pencil does." And he began to write:

Theo and Mommy Reina are going to the fair see Melody. (he needed help spelling only the word "fair." I was amazed! Sure, it had nothing to do with the first two pages of the story, and sure the letters were way too big and not within the lines, but who cares? Here he was with a thought in his head, and he got it on paper!

When he drew the picture to go with it, he narrated that he was drawing people upside down and people scared. Looking at it, you'd never know that's what he drew, but I love knowing he does everything for a reason. The other day his scribbles were "the star ceiling show" (we recently visited the planetarium).

We had parent-teacher conferences last night, and Theo's behavior is often getting in the way of his schoolwork. His work is much stronger at home, even though a large percentage of his learning comes from school. He has had the same pattern since preschool--observe and absorb at school, apply at home. First that applied to using words, now it applies to academics. I'm very encouraged knowing he gets it. A year ago my biggest concern was his speech, and now we converse every day. His speech therapist agreed he has a lot of potential, if they can just keep him from getting so distracted. He has to constantly be reminded to keep his hands to himself or keep his eyes on the teacher. They take him on walks or computer breaks to calm him down. Theo seems to really like school, for which I'm grateful. It was nice to walk out of a conference yesterday and NOT break into tears. Take it slow, take it slow. Little by little, this amazing boy is growing every day.

Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free, But Never Guilt-Free

2009-11-11T12:02:00.005-05:00

It's been about 4 1/2 months since starting Theo on a gluten-free dairy-free diet, also removing soy, corn syrup, preservatives and most other junk from his diet.

Sharon and school have complied, and most importantly, Theo has been great about it. He learned to ask if a food was gluten or dairy free before he ate it. I learned to cook and bake this way and he had no problems eating this way. I learned all about rice flours, bean flours, quinoa flours...butter and milk substitutes...in many ways I became a more healthful cook.

The diet has been known to have a huge impact on autistic kids, particularly ones with a leaky gut (a nice way of saying chronic diarreah). Luckily, Theo never had that issue. We did it to improve his behavior, speech, and focus.

Theo's vocabulary continued to increase, but his stimming didn't decrease. (Stimming is a word in the autism world for erratic, involuntary behaviors like spinning or random gibberish or yelling, etc). I can't attribute the improved speech and vocab to the diet, because he was improving before we started, and any infractions he's had (accidental consumption of wheat or dairy) have had no impact on his speech.

After months of spending a ton of money at health food stores, being unable to eat out or order in, and having to bring food Theo could eat wherever we went, we've decided it's not worth a diet that isn't working. Theo snuck cheese the other day and there was no change. I started giving him dairy again and he's the same kid. I'll wait a bit longer before reintroducing gluten, since I've read that gluten can take 6 months to leave the body and the gut can start healing. But frankly, most accounts of moms who have seen results have seen the results in a matter of days, and with children much younger than Theo.

There lies my guilt. I don't know if this diet would have worked if I started it when he was 2. That's something I'll have to live with. And maybe I didn't do the diet to the best of my ability. I still allowed gluten in the home, which could have contaminated his foods. I'm not the mama warrior some moms are. There, I said it.

This diet won't have been for nothing. Like I said, I've learned a healthier way of cooking for my family. I know how to cook for friends with celiac and am more aware of food allergies now when cooking for other kids. I've baked with Theo more than I ever have, since it was much cheaper to bake the stuff myself than pay $7 for a box of 12 cookies. I will continue to cook with awesome grains like quinoa and hide vegetables in sauces and pancake batters. But soon enough, we'll have our life back, and Theo won't be deprived of fitting in and eating the pizza and cupcakes his friends are eating, that Melody's eating.

When Theo is old enough, maybe he'll decide to try the diet again, when he can evaluate whether it's making a difference in his body in a way that I can't. As for me, I'll ease my guilt a little hopefully the Christmas lasagna puts a smile on that handsome face.

There's still other stuff to try--zinc and other vitamin supplements, yeast testing, other DAN doctor protocol (DAN doctor means Defeat Autism Now doctor and costs about $1,000 for a visit) and there's eep--medications--which is still unexplored territory for us. But in the end, it's going to come down to a great support system of family, therapists and friends in Theo's life. And if you're reading this--that's you!

Happy Halloween from Neverland

2009-10-30T07:43:00.000-04:00

My First Lolcat

2009-10-30T07:41:00.000-04:00

For http://cheezburger.com
moar funny pictures

Actual Photos of All Four of Us, WOW!

2009-10-15T19:14:00.003-04:00

We did a family photo shoot. Click here to see all the pics!

Go, Kids, GO!

2009-10-15T18:59:00.002-04:00

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Uncle Gary!!!

Theo scored 100 on his very first spelling test! He has another one tomorrow, and I tested him at home just now and he knew all his words.

He also got a 75 on his first math test, but it covered a LOT of material like tally marks and word problems--I thought it was pretty hard! So I'm proud that he scored as well as he did.

As for Smelly, she cut another tooth! It's next to her two front teeth on top.

She's mastering her commands now. She pats the chair and says "sit down," she yells "Stop it" to Theo and the cats, and of course her favorite is still "MILK!" and "Meeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Melody really says "no thank you" and "I love you" now...still kills me!

Theo's vocabulary improves daily. He's been having some behavior issues at school. The work is getting hard now, and he gets tons of homework. But overall he's doing really well! And other people (not his mom) are seeing it, too.

And The Words Keep On Comin'

2009-09-28T20:29:00.004-04:00

Here's the big one:

"I love you!"

and..

Book
Baby
Blueberry
Hug
Cannonball
Cereal
Hand (when she reaches for mine to get help down the stairs at the playground)
Hat

and today, during Spongebob's Opposite Day episode, she said "opposite"

What's She Sayin' Now?

2009-09-14T14:02:00.003-04:00

Kiss--Jiss (followed by mwah and a kiss)
Juice, water, coffee, amd all other liquids- juice

When she wants you to give her something she says "ME!" She'll demand "ME! ME! MEEEEEEEE!" til she gets what she wants. Usually it's food.

Hello (picking up cell phone)

Thank You (tank you) She used to say "thank you" when giving something rather than receiving it, but this morning she used it right for the first time. Theo gave her a piece of his muffin and she said "tank you!"

She's actually said "no tank you" a couple of times...appropriately refusing food.

Alligator (husband insists I include this)

1st Day, 1st Grade

2009-09-09T12:31:00.004-04:00

Here we go again, it's that time of year! Little man is off to school. He was so excited to get on the bus this morning!

A Moment

2009-08-18T17:49:00.002-04:00

"If life were only moments
Then you'd never know you had one"
-Sondheim, from Into the Woods

Joe and I were feeling depressed yesterday about the mess we live in. He does laundry--the clothes get thrown all over the house. I buy a nice new leather chair and piano bench, and the cats scratch them up. He mops, our feet still get black on the floor the next day...

But last night we put the kids to bed together. The four of us on Theo's little bed. We took turn reading stories. Both kids demanded we reread the books, Theo by using his words so nicely, and the baby by shoving books in our faces and babbling (she knew exactly what she was saying).

Then we made up silly songs, as we always do. Joe sang about the rocking cow, and Theo sang that the cow doesn't work because it needs batteries. We started laughing and couldn't stop!

And then they were asleep. We didn't need to discuss it--we both understood. We needed that moment of cuddling and laughter. That affirmation that told us how much we have and what really matters.

What's She Sayin' Now?

2009-08-14T11:16:00.003-04:00

More (Mo)
More Milk (Mo ma)(while making the sign for milk)
No More (no mo)(while shaking her head and making "all done" hands)
Juice (joos)
Bruce (boos)
Pasta (baba)

6th Brick Wall photo

2009-08-14T11:12:00.001-04:00

The annual brick wall photo

6 Years Old

2009-08-10T11:22:00.005-04:00

Theo turned 6 on the 6th..53 pounds and not sure how tall he is, but he's pretty enormous! Just marked his height on a wall in his room..had to start fresh in the new apartment. The sad thing about moving was saying goodbye to their height marks in the old place.

We escaped to Mystic on Wednesday to stay with my old buddy Marcail and her boyfriend, Drew, who have a lovely house in this cute seaport town. Katie joined us, which was a nice birthday present for Theo. The two women spoiled Theo rotten! Katie read Theo to sleep on his birthday.

These are my baking pals, so we baked gluten free bread, brownies and cupcakes.

Theo's favorite part of the vacation was the sailboating! We went out on their sailboat twice. Theo was so calm and peaceful. He was fascinated watching Drew operate the boat. He loved the waves that appeared when a speedboat came by. Drew let Theo steer the boat, and Theo did a nice job! On the second sailboat trip Theo rode with Joe and me on the front of the boat, a real highlight. He got to put his feet in the water and feel the waves. He just loved it!

CLICK HERE TO SEE PHOTOS FROM TRIP TO MYSTIC

Big thanks to Marcail for opening her amazing home to us! I'm just about ready for another vacation...

Summer Sweeties

2009-08-04T16:39:00.003-04:00

Nights 3, 4, 5

2009-08-03T20:51:00.001-04:00

Night 3--Melody fell asleep in 6 minutes
Night 4- 15
Night 5-10

It's so sad--now she starts crying when she hears the lullabyes..she knows what's coming next!
But she's sleeping thru the night, 11 or 12 hours. And that's with another molar coming in!

Pseudo Language

2009-07-31T08:47:00.005-04:00

Here's what Melody is saying or has said (sorta)

No
Cat (da)
Dog (da) (You can tell the difference between da's)
Stop (dop)
Ball (baw)
Uh Oh
Mama
Dada
Theo (eeoh)
Grandma (ama)

Here's what she sings:

Lalalalala (From Elmo's World. We sing that every night before bed, and now whenever someone heads toward Theo's bed she sings lalalalala...it's the cutest thing ever! She also sings it when Elmo comes on TV)

e-i-e-i (From Old McDonald)

Animal sounds:
moo
woof (oof)
meow (eeow)

Night Two

2009-07-31T08:47:00.002-04:00

She only cried for 11 minutes and then slept through the night. This is too good to be true.

First Tooth Gone!

2009-07-30T11:22:00.003-04:00

Last Friday, July 24, Theo lost his first tooth! Actually, he woke up with it missing. We didn't have the actual tooth to put under his pillow. I still haven't found it, so maybe he swallowed it. I'll just pretend the next tooth out is his first tooth when I put it in his baby book. :)

He looks so friggin' cute with the gap in his mouth, I can't take it!

I told him all about the Tooth Fairy, and he was really entranced. It was wonderful to see him grasp the story. We decorated an envelope. He wrote "Tooth Fairy" and we drew a fairy with a wand, and wrote the date. We put it under his pillow.

I had so much fun sneaking into his room and putting a lollipop under his pillow that night. When I asked him what he wanted from the Tooth Fairy, that's what he asked for.

The next morning when I went into his room, I melted at the sight of him. He was lying in his bed, holding the envelope and staring at it. I knew he must have reached under the pillow immediately when he woke up. I remember doing that as a kid, so that made me feel warm and gooey!

He was so excited about the lollipop. He talked about it all day. And he asked me where the Tooth Fairy was. I told him she flew away. He said "but the window's closed!"

Love that boy. The tooth next to it is loose now...here's hoping we can keep this one!

That Awful CIO--Crying it Out

2009-07-30T11:00:00.002-04:00

After months of no sleep I decided to try the Dr. Ferber "crying it out" method. I really shouldn't say the Ferber method. I didn't read his book, I just followed the advice of friends who had tried it. I really got to the point of desperation, because Melody at 13.5 months still was sleeping like a newborn. Nursing to go to sleep and waking up every two hours--at least--to nurse. She wasn't rested, I wasn't rested. We've both been so cranky. As much as Joe tried to help, he couldn't. She would only let me put her back to sleep. She wasn't hungry, she just wanted to suck. Plus poor Joe was on the couch most nights since she would take up so much room on our bed.

And so out of desperation I started day one of sleep training. I put her in her crib at 8 and didn't go in at all. After a little while of her screaming Joe said "I'm gonna get her, this is so mean." I asked him to first read a thread of emails between me and some friends who had tried it. After he read it, he agreed to give it a shot.

What made it harder was Theo getting so upset. He kept saying "Mommy, go get her! She's scared!" which broke my heart and made me feel worse than I already did.

But then miraculously at 8:30 she stopped screaming and was asleep. I can't believe it took "only" a half hour. I was expecting at least 2 or 3 hours of crying the first night.

Then over the next hour she kept waking up and giving a cry every five minutes and then going back to sleep. It was so bizarre. But I refused to go in. I stayed in the living room and watched TV on low volume to distract myself.

At 9:30 she was asleep for good, until 1:30--which is a really good stretch for her! Now ordinarly I would go in when she cries, but I decided to wait and see how long it would take for her to fall back asleep. I kept my blackberry next to me to keep track of time. Well, five minutes later I no longer heard her crying! I couldn't believe it. I wondered how many times I've gone in when I didn't need to.

She cried out again at 4 a.m. and again at 6 a.m. and both times fell back asleep right away. She cried again at 7 a.m. and at that point I decided to get her because Theo and Joe were both up and I figured she may be up for real. I wasn't sure how to know which wakeup was the "real" one! Anyway, Joe and I both noted that she seemed particulalry cheery this morning and more well rested than usual.

But I think we may have gotten lucky the first night. Will she cry for less time or longer tonight? Here's hoping that before long, Melody will understand the concept of soothing herself to sleep. In my wildest fantasies I'll put both kids to bed at the same time. Bathtime together, storytime together, sing songs together, cuddle, then shut the lights and leave them both in their bed/crib with no cries.

Wish me luck!!

Walking Videos

2009-07-22T15:39:00.002-04:00

From this, on June 27:

to this, July 20:

Update

2009-07-22T11:46:00.002-04:00

Melody's 10th tooth is in..another molar!

Theo's tooth is still loose.

Walking is officially Melody's primary mode of transportation. She walks more than she crawls. It was a gradual process over 3 weeks. A few more steps every day..she grew more and more brave. Then over the past few days she suddenly took off! Even at the park, she gained confidence and finally realized that it feels better for her feet to be on the cement than her knees, and her hands don't have to touch the hot floor.

She's looking a little less like a drunk penguin when she walks, which is very sad. I'll miss my drunk penguin.

It's hilarious when she walks around holding something, like a toy (or randomly, a pair of pants, as she did yesterday).

Clothes look even cuter on her now, if that was possible.

Which Parent is Worse, Mommy or Daddy?

2009-07-17T10:16:00.002-04:00

Convo this morning:

Elyse: No wonder Melody is cranky. I just realized I forgot to give her breakfast!
Joe: I fed her a hot dog.
Elyse: A hot dog? For breakfast??
Joe: Well, you forgot to feed her!

A burst of laughter from both of us ensued...

(As I type this Melody is eating yogurt and bananas)

Theo's Turn For a Tooth Tale

2009-07-17T10:08:00.002-04:00

Theo has his first loose tooth! Way to steal Melody's teethin' thunder, boy!

I'm thrilled that Theo already watched it happen to a friend at school, so not only was he prepared, but he's very excited! So cute to see him wiggling the tooth with his tongue with a big smile--classic.

Someone's gonna turn 6 with a missing tooth!!

Annual 4th of July Coney Island Trip 2009

2009-07-07T21:31:00.001-04:00

Tooth Number Nine...

2009-07-07T21:30:00.000-04:00

Ain't it fine?

That makes the center four on top and on bottom complete, plus a random molar in the back.

Dancing Theo

2009-07-03T03:16:00.005-04:00

As you can see, Theo had a blast at his ballet and tap recital. He had the biggest smile and we just couldn't believe his level of excitement and ease up on stage.

Can you see the love story in this photo between Theo and the pretty girl kneeling on the right?

Walking Girl

2009-06-27T22:14:00.000-04:00

Melody took her first steps today!

Last night she began standing up from a sitting position, without using furniture or anything else to pull herself up. Then boom, the next day, she's standing in the living room and takes a few steps! She did it several times, and happily Joe and I were both home to see it.

Tooth Be Told

2009-06-22T17:04:00.001-04:00

Tooth number 8! Bottom center, next to the first two.

Beautiful Ballet Boy

2009-06-16T09:16:00.000-04:00

Ballerina Flower

2009-06-16T09:15:00.000-04:00

Melody Is 1

2009-06-15T17:30:00.004-04:00

I was holding Melody this morning and I passed by the mirror. I gasped and did a double-take. She was stunning! My once-goofy baby was beautiful. Of course she was always beautiful, and of course she will continue to be goofy. But there was something about this moment--her transformation became apparent all at once. She was a beautiful toddler.

Only she doesn't toddle yet. She's taking her time, and I don't mind. Theo was 11.5 months when he first walked, but Melody is in no hurry. I think she likes her place as the baby of the family. As long as she has arms to be cuddled in and fingers to hold on to as she walks, she feels safe as content.

Now that she's 1, her personality has really become her own. She makes jokes and understands ours. She thinks it's hilarious when she drops something off the highchair and the cats eat it, so she tries to give them all her food. Actually, she loves to feed everyone. She even tried to feed a waitress recently! Nothing pleases her more than for someone to accept her offer.

She also thinks it's hilarious to bite me while nursing...she knows it gets a reaction out of me! The bigger the show of pain, the funnier it is!

We gave her a set of instruments for her birthday and she instantly knew how to use the cymbals. Her favorite, though, is the triangle!

On her birthday Theo forced me to go out at 8PM and buy party hats and balloons. I had failed him as a mother for not having these things.

Melody slept through the first hour of her birthday party yesterday, which was great because I was still setting up anyway. When she woke up to a room full of 30 adults and toddlers, she took it all in. She didn't cry--just looked around and tried to figure out why everyone she knew in the world was in one spot. After a few minutes, she was smiling away. Mom and dad played songs on the piano and led the toddlers in a singalong as they banged instruments! Truly wonderful.

We sat her in her birthday throne and sang "Happy Birthday" -- she did the appropriate toddler thing and devoured the cupcake, covering her face with frosting! Lots of photographing from guests ensued. (I will update this post with photos and video when I have them.)

Melody's 7th tooth, a molar, came in this morning. Her hair is growing rapidly and is mostly wavy but curly when it rains! 1 year later, her eyes are an icy blue. We've marked her height on the wall in her room in our new apartment, days after wishing Theo's height markings goodbye in our old apt.

She is 21 pounds and switching daily between chubby and slender, depending on growth spurts.

She loves baths so much that for her birthday, I gave her two baths and let her stay in longer! And there is no such thing as one of them taking the bath without the other. And these days they're joined by Theo's baby doll, who he undresses, reads to, and washes.

Melody's doing a great job with pointing and waving bye bye. She even blows kisses! We are still waiting for her babblings of mama and dada to apply to us, though. Her most specific word is cat ("at").

Here's to the next year of first steps, first words, and of course--lots more dresses!